While I was in Vietnam, I had the honor of attending three different weddings. Two of them were for staff members at my centers and one was for a teacher that I managed when I moved to Hanoi. Each weeding was so unique and special, but I found it interesting how similar and different they were from wedding back home and even the weddings that I added while I was living in Korea!
I guess the best place is to start at the beginning and talk about the first wedding that I attended. I was still living in Hai Phong at the time and was invited to come to the wedding of a staff member that I was close with at one of my centers that I was managing at. She and her fiance were going to be married at the giant wedding all across the street from the English Center, so we all planned on taking an extended lunch break to go watch the ceremonies.
A few days before the wedding we were invited to go to her parent's house to watch the engagement ceremony where the groom would show up with his groomsmen and gift her family with traditional platters that were piled high with coffee, cigarettes, fruit, sweets, and meat. We were going to joining in on the bridge's side of the family and have tea while we waited for the pageantry. I later found out that we were given seats of honor since we were told to sit inside the house and were closest to the immediate family during the tea hours. The bridesmaids acted as waitresses and made sure that we all were never without a full cup of hot tea. But the most interesting thing that I learned was that my co-worker really did not know any of the bridesmaids and the groom did not really know the groomsmen; apparently you are able to rent out a set number of people to work as your wedding party for you, they even come with their own matching formal wear that they can wear while doing their traditional roles, so while you can have members of your family or friends be your wedding aids, most people rent out the wedding party. Its was a bit of a squeeze though since my co-worker's parents lived on a pretty busy market street, so when the groom arrived in his car and the groomsmen came in their van to present the goods, the street had to somewhat shut down, but as like most streets in Vietnam, that just meant that the motorbikes had to get creative about maneuvering around the festivities.
A few weeks later we were going to the wedding hall for the quick lunch time wedding before we all had to go back into work. The wedding hall was on the top floor of the shopping complex and was filled with big round circular tables that seated about 10 people or so. All of us foreign teachers were sat together near the front and for the most part were left on our own. As soon as we all were seated, the waiting staff started bringing out food and drinks for us to have. All in all there were about 8 courses or so that we were given (seafood, chicken, rice dishes, soups, steamed veggies, also fruit) to eat while my co-worker and her fiance were going through the wedding on a stage in the front of the room. They walked in and then were taken to a back room where they were signing official papers and doing the official part of the wedding. While they were gone, there was an MC that would sing and introduce other singers and dancers that would take turns entertaining us until the bride and groom came back out to pour champagne into a gigantic flute sculpture while we all toasted them. By the time that they were finished with the toasting, we were getting out last few lunch courses and the bridge and groom had starting going around to all the tables individually with their parents to talk a drink/ shot with the members of each table they visited.
Our work group (teachers, sales team members, etc.) was one of the last ones to leave (even thought we had only been there about an hour), so we gathered everyone from all the tables that we had been sat at to gather on the stage so that we could take a large group picture before we all headed into work again.
On the way out, everyone left a money donation in an envelope to the newlyweds. Giving money as a gift at a wedding is not something new for me, as it is something that is frequently done in Korean weddings as well. Everyone gives money as a gift and the amount of money that you give differs depending on what your relation is to the bride and groom and what your social hierarchy is (your job title, social status, etc.). I can't remember the denominations off the top of my head, but if you ever go to a Vietnamese wedding where they give money gifts, ask around and someone can give you a ball park range that you would fall in!
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The second wedding that I went to was for my Branch Manager for the center that I managed at when I moved to Hanoi. He was going to be getting married out in his home village that was about an hour outside of Hanoi. Because he was the Branch Manager, practically everyone at the center was going to be in attendance (only a few teachers could make it though). We met at the center at 8 am, which was one of the reasons that quite a few of the teachers did not attend (as after school ESL teachers, it is a rare day that we are out of bed by 10 am), and then jumped on a few rented buses to drive out to the village.
Once we got there, we walked down an alleyway to get to his parent's how for tea and then down a ways to eat lunch in the space that was set up for the speeches and festivities that would happen later. The food was much the same as the previous wedding that I attended in Hai Phong, but this time we were eating and drinking with only the groom's side of the family, since the bride was holding court over at her parent's house on the other side of the village.
After the lunch, we had about an hour and a half to kill before we all had to get back on the bus to accompany our boss to go collect his bride and bring her back tot he wedding area to finish the rest of the ceremonies and speeches. Since the village was pretty small and there was not much to do really, we all found the only open coffee shop that doubled as a karaoke place. Most of the staff split themselves up and went to the two largest karaoke rooms since they were air-conditioned- one room was for people who wanted to sleep/nap and the other was for people who wanted to sing. The other teachers and I mostly hung out front in the cafe section of the place and ordered coffee to keep us awake (we were tired from waking up hours earlier than we were used to, but also because we has about 4 hours of teaching/managing after this). It was a good thing that we ended up in the cafe when we did since it started pouring outside (a very brief summer rain shower that was gone about 30 minutes later).
When time was up and when the rain went away, we all wandered back to the buses and started our perilous drive across the village to go collect the bride! I say perilous since the bus was almost the same width as the streets we were driving on, especially when we had to turn and go around corners! I could have stuck my hand out the window and touched buildings we were so close! But we made it all in one piece and made out way to the house where the bride's parents were setting up their tea reception. The foreigners were seated up near the front of the make shift stage that they had set up and we were right next to the speaker, so had perfect seats to hear the karaoke and speeches that were going on. We had our tea and listened to the speeches (not really sure what they were about since they were in Vietnamese and I was not sitting next to an English speaking member of staff.
Once all the pageantry was finished, we all processed in mass back to the cars and buses to head back to the main wedding spot by my branch manager's parent's house. the bridge and groom stopped by the car that had been brought for them to take some really cute wedding photos, so those of us who were in the back of the procession stopped and watched them do their quick little photo shoot before we hopped on the buses.
Back at the main reception all (the same place that we had our lunch earlier) we were all told to find a table to sit down at. While we were waiting on the bride, groom, and their families to arrive we were entertained by a club DJ that went heavy on the EDM music (think eastern European EDM clubs in the early 2000s). Two of my teachers who came along for the wedding- 2 young Irish guys- ended up leading the dancing with a group of Vietnamese guys and older male relatives that were also in the crowd! Not going to lie, i was fun to see everyone dancing like it was midnight at a club, not 2 pm on a weekday.
When the wedding party and their families arrived, they all processed in to the EDM music and then the fathers gave speeches and took shots together. Then the bridge and groom poured champagne into an arrangement of champagne flutes that had dry ice added to them. After that, those of us from the branch had to leave since we needed to get back to open the center and to get ready for the classes that were going to happen later that evening. We all gathered around and took a group picture with the bride and groom and then made our way back to the buses that were going to take us back to Hanoi. It was a pretty close call, but we made it with 30 minutes to spare before classes started and I (thankfully) had the foresight to message the teachers who did not go to the wedding to see if they could do the printing and class prep for the teachers that were on the bus with me.
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The final wedding that I had the honor of being invited to was the wedding of one of my Hanoi teachers to his Vietnamese girlfriend. Setting and ceremony layout was very similar to the first wedding that I had visited (the one in Hai Phong) in that it is in a large wedding all that is a central meeting place for both families, rather than the weeding traveling between two households. While I was not privy to the groom going to the wife's home with his guifts, apparently my teacher had his friends at the other centers be his groomsmen rather than hiring a group of random guys to help him out.
The entertainment was a bit different this time around compared to the other weddings in that the DJ was a bit light on the EDM/club music. Rather, the MC went around singing karaoke quite passionately (and actually really well) and also had some hired dancers to come up and entertain us while the couple were making their rounds to all the tables. All in all it was a pretty energetic and fun wedding, just like the couple!
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From what I have seen of Northern Vietnamese weddings, they are more of a celebration and a party of two families becoming one- of the groom's family gaining a new member in the bride. While weddings back home are religion heavy and tend to be more formal affairs, the weddings that I attended were very much celebrations were you as a gust are expected to eat, drink, and be merry in a laid back venue, all the religious and official ceremony is done behind closed doors between the immediate families, not their guests.
Once all the pageantry was finished, we all processed in mass back to the cars and buses to head back to the main wedding spot by my branch manager's parent's house. the bridge and groom stopped by the car that had been brought for them to take some really cute wedding photos, so those of us who were in the back of the procession stopped and watched them do their quick little photo shoot before we hopped on the buses.
Back at the main reception all (the same place that we had our lunch earlier) we were all told to find a table to sit down at. While we were waiting on the bride, groom, and their families to arrive we were entertained by a club DJ that went heavy on the EDM music (think eastern European EDM clubs in the early 2000s). Two of my teachers who came along for the wedding- 2 young Irish guys- ended up leading the dancing with a group of Vietnamese guys and older male relatives that were also in the crowd! Not going to lie, i was fun to see everyone dancing like it was midnight at a club, not 2 pm on a weekday.
When the wedding party and their families arrived, they all processed in to the EDM music and then the fathers gave speeches and took shots together. Then the bridge and groom poured champagne into an arrangement of champagne flutes that had dry ice added to them. After that, those of us from the branch had to leave since we needed to get back to open the center and to get ready for the classes that were going to happen later that evening. We all gathered around and took a group picture with the bride and groom and then made our way back to the buses that were going to take us back to Hanoi. It was a pretty close call, but we made it with 30 minutes to spare before classes started and I (thankfully) had the foresight to message the teachers who did not go to the wedding to see if they could do the printing and class prep for the teachers that were on the bus with me.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The final wedding that I had the honor of being invited to was the wedding of one of my Hanoi teachers to his Vietnamese girlfriend. Setting and ceremony layout was very similar to the first wedding that I had visited (the one in Hai Phong) in that it is in a large wedding all that is a central meeting place for both families, rather than the weeding traveling between two households. While I was not privy to the groom going to the wife's home with his guifts, apparently my teacher had his friends at the other centers be his groomsmen rather than hiring a group of random guys to help him out.
The entertainment was a bit different this time around compared to the other weddings in that the DJ was a bit light on the EDM/club music. Rather, the MC went around singing karaoke quite passionately (and actually really well) and also had some hired dancers to come up and entertain us while the couple were making their rounds to all the tables. All in all it was a pretty energetic and fun wedding, just like the couple!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
From what I have seen of Northern Vietnamese weddings, they are more of a celebration and a party of two families becoming one- of the groom's family gaining a new member in the bride. While weddings back home are religion heavy and tend to be more formal affairs, the weddings that I attended were very much celebrations were you as a gust are expected to eat, drink, and be merry in a laid back venue, all the religious and official ceremony is done behind closed doors between the immediate families, not their guests.
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