My Fears Going Back Home

My second semester is almost up and I fly back to the states in little over 44 days left before I have to go to head back to Inchon and make my way back to the States and my my life there. Being here in Korea has had its ups and downs, just like living anywhere and like how most people who have studied abroad for more than a semester will tell you.

Now I am not saying that a semester in a different country is not a wonderful, life changing experience. But what I am saying is that there is something that happens in a year long stay that really effects you. You create long-term relationships with the others that you live with for a year and also a relationship with the country that you are living in. Studying abroad is not all rainbows and exotic food. You are not always going to find your foreign love or become an expert on your country in the time that you send there. There will actually be days where you don't to leave your room and would rather go to the corner store rather than go to a restaurant because you just can;t for the life of you function in the language of your country. I admit that I have had days where I just can't "Korean" or even "chopstick" for that matter (yeah, I completely forgot how to use chopsticks one day and had to struggle through a lunch with my friends giggling at my attempts to pick up food). But it is these experiences, both the ups and the downs that changes you from the person you are when you leave home to go abroad.

This change is what I am scared about. I know that I have changed and have been able to see what my good and bad points are and how I act while under pressures that I have no control over. I am not going to go in to much detail about this because I am thinking of making another post closer to my departure date that will detail my thoughts on this in a little more detail.  All I know is that I am coming back changed and I am not sure how that is going to change the relationships that I had while I was back home and at school. While I was here in Seoul, my friends and family members have been living their own lives, going through their own ups and downs as well. We are all changing and growing. The things that connected us might have changed.

I am also not really sure how well I am going to adjust back to life in the States. Things here are so fast paced here that I think I will enjoy the slower lifestyle, but I hope that I don't get frustrated. I also know that it will be hard going back because no one else will know what I have been through and experienced while here in Korea, but I will also be hesitant to share all of my experiences when I get back home for fear of being annoying and bragging about being abroad for so long. But maybe I am thinking too far into this and there is nothing really for me to worry about.

Maybe I am putting too much credit into how others act towards me, or what they will be thinking about, but it is just something that has been bugging me as my time here is getting shorter and shorter. I am getting nervous about going back, much like I was getting nervous about coming here (nerves based on the fact that I am not sure what I am getting myself into). And when I am nervous and under pressures/time lines, I tend to get a little more sentimental in my thinking.

Anyway, my ramblings are over with for now. I have a few more posts drafted, so I should be getting them out with in the next few days as I have time to chip away at them.